My Life Is Already A Reality Show

tumblr_nk137ceZMd1u0y6uao1_500I never watch reality shows. I think although the premise of the show is to show us someone’s real life, the actors are well rehearsed and follow a script, making a story sometimes out of nothing. Here’s an example

Just today, my daughters had another argument and each one sent me a chain of text messages complaining about the other, expecting me to take sides. My first reaction was to get in my car, and drive over there and kick some ass, even though they are adults, one married and the other about to be, I couldn’t believe how childish they were both acting. Then I had a chance to calm down, and think about it, realizing that my older daughter, who is going through some sort of mid-life crisis, is starting s***. Of course I could never tell her that without causing an outburst, one most of us in the family avoid, at all cost, with her.

She complains that her sister isn’t listening to her about the wedding, and that she doesn’t want certain people there, and although I explain to her time and time again, it isn’t her decision, she holds her ground, bullying her sister.

After spending hours on the phone texting back and forth, I put my phone down, utterly frustrated and angry, concluding much later in the day, that my older one is jealous of her sister, and I don’t know how to help her not to be…

{The photo I found online, can’t remember where but it is the true expression of how I feel today}

So Much Has Happened

property of rawsilkandsaffron IMG_3978The past weekend, I was busy running around for wedding number 2. The girls found their dresses, and I thought I found mine weeks ago. But apparently, the wedding shop owner doesn’t think it’s good enough. She insisted I make an appointment with her to try on her recommendations. That will happen next weekend.

The ‘save the dates’ went out, so pretty soon we’ll be getting phone calls from family members just curious to know all about the fiance.

We did our major or  final move at work, with call center style workstations. The funny thing is, 300 employee hate the set up, but management think it’s the smartest thing they’ve come up and it’s pretty-of course it is,  when you are not the ones sitting in such an environment with people walking  up behind you, taking up your personal space to discuss business.

Okay. Enough bitching. Time to regroup and get started. It’s a  Monday…

{photo I took at a Lush store grand-opening party. They served tea and cupcakes}

 

Long Distance Engagement Not Ideal

property of alifefromasuitcase IMG_3963It dawned on me yesterday while taking the train home after work, and after hearing my youngest vent about her fiance, that long distance engagements are not ideal. Here’s the story. They met over a year and half ago, he is in the military. So a few months back, he told her he would be stationed somewhere in Asia for a year, and then moving to the UK in 2016. She was devastated and didn’t know what to do. Meaning, she hoped he would ask her to marry him. He did, late January, and left early February.

Since then, he’s been asking her to run errands for him, time-difference between the continents a major set back, and she is left here to plan a wedding for October. Although, I’m here to help, she wishes he were instead. Ever since he left, she’s been a mess,  very moody, hard to talk to, and scared to make any decisions which he would not approve of. (I know she’ll learn the hard  way how that really works).

Anyway, yesterday she was frustrated, and told me much more than I really wanted to know, about his shortcomings. I had my reservations about the man as it is, and now she added fuel to it. Ugh.

So, to make this long story shorter, I am concerned. Because while he was here, she was blinded by the romance of being with him, and never saw the things we pointed out to her. And now that he is gone, pausing the romance, she is able to see everything clearly. That my friends is a scary thing… (to be continued)

{photo source: I didn’t realize the orchid had bloomed. A plant I have at my desk at work}

A Little Less Stress Would Be Helpful

propertyofrawsilkandsaffronMost of February I guesstimated would be stressful. I knew that so I was prepared-wedding deposits, office renovation/moving into temporary work stations until we can move again permanently,  and overflow of work from December. What we didn’t account for was a co-worker getting sick and being on leave, and those who scheduled time off months in advance being gone, and the bottleneck of everything happening at the same time. Having to pack up desks, workstations, playing musical chairs in temporary seating in the middle of meeting deadlines.

Then, my older daughter decides to come to California  for a visit for a month, stirring up s*** with her younger sister about the wedding, making her second guess everything, arguments, disagreements you name it, and naturally I have to play the middle Woman, making them both see the light at the end of the tunnel. .

Just this morning at work everyone was coming at me in all sorts of ways, trying to meet their deadlines, asking for unrealistic commitments, the whole time my younger one texting me while the older one is also texting to vent. A co-worker, who decided to work from home also asking that I restart his computer over and over again…all of it drowning me.

You know what I did. I walked away, took the elevator down to the lobby and walked outside, inhaling as if there was no air in the building. Then I sat in front of a fountain, and closed my eyes, breathing in and out until I felt relaxed enough to go back upstairs and deal with everything…

{photo I snapped with my phone of the fountain San Francisco 2015}

Paris On My Mind

FullSizeRender-4On Sunday, I took my family to brunch at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay. It’s funny whenever I discover something spectacular and later decide to introduce it to my family, I regret it a thousand times. They just don’t appreciate the things I do, so what I consider should be a nice day, turns into a stressful one. Eh whatever.

Anyway, when I was sitting at a table for six having brunch with them, some freezing because we were outdoors, while others, hated everything on the menu, I found myself tuning them out, and focusing on my happy place. Paris. I’ve been getting the urge lately, or should I say again. This happens to me every year about this time. Right after the holidays, when all the hustle and bustle and the pressures of family dinner and celebration wind down, and I have the entire year to do with it as I please. Paris is the first thing on my list. I have to go no matter what happens. Whether my husband goes to Mexico with his brother’s family, or my older daughter needs me to visit her in Nebraska, and the younger one gets married, I need to go to Paris, and frankly, I want to do it alone this year…

 

 

Bridging the Gap

I normally hide on Valentine’s Day, keeping mostly to myself because my other half decided a long time ago not to celebrate the day. In fact, he turns into a jerk the day before just to make me mad enough not to celebrate. I don’t know why I put up with it. But I have…not sure for how much longer.

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{photo source: I honestly don’t remember where I got this, but it makes perfect sense.}

I Want To Dance Again

tumblr_mywaz9ZkrD1scgsiao1_500It’s funny how our busy schedules don’t allow us to do a lot of things we truly enjoy, or maybe we choose not to make time for some of the things in order to fit in all our responsibilities and family obligations.

I realized just last night on my way home, while a very sensual tango tune played out in my earbuds, that I hadn’t danced for ages. I used to dance every chance I got, but somehow as I shuffled the priorities in my life (over the past 15 years or so), I left that part out. I had no idea how much I missed it until yesterday.

So, starting tomorrow, I am going to wake up at five, and dance by myself for half an hour or more depending on the playlist, and I will do so twice to three times every week at five in the morning before the world wakes up…

{photo source: here}

Walking The Street Of San Francisco

property of alifefromasuitecaeFullSizeRenderOdd that I did that this morning. Well not really. It’s been chaos at work, probably the worst kind and not really worth complaining about since this type of chaos is a result of mismanagement, and the inability to plan accordingly.

So, I woke up and decided taking my time getting to work. Although I ended up taking the express bus at the train stop by my house, getting me downtown ten minutes earlier than the norm. I plugged in my music (Carli Bruni Station on Pandora), and stepped off the bus, right away admiring the affects the morning light had against the buildings, beckoning me not to go into work just yet.  That’s when I realized there was still some life left in me, and I needed to nurture it. So I went for a walk, the long about way to get to my office building, and that extra 20 minutes was the most therapeutic thing I’d done in a long time.  Just sayin’.

{photo I took this morning at seven in the financial district San Francisco}

 

Several Days And Nothing Really To Say

FullSizeRenderA few days have gone by and I honestly have nothing important to record on paper or in this case on a blog. When I started the 365 day challenge, I had lots to say, and I still do. But I don’t really want to tell too much. Although it was funny, that on my author page, someone asked me who the leading man would be in my first two novels, which are part I and II to a very long story. I reported that it would be Lloyd Owen or Clive Owen for part I, and Chris Pratt for part II.

I kind of enjoyed thinking that perhaps someday my stories would turn into films, not as fancy as Fifty Shades of Grey, or Harry Potter, but a cute story most women over 40 would appreciate. I am proud of the work I have done with those books, even if on some days, I doubt myself. When I do, there are signs, signs that pull me out of my insecurity, and make me believe that I am on the right track.

Just last night, as I reflected on my story telling skills, a character in a movie I was watching said in a round about way,  that it is scary to put yourself out there, and it takes guts to withstand criticism -not too many can do that. Now, if only I can remember that…

{photo in Vegas – December 2014 – Venentian Hotel pretend piazza somewhere in Italy}

 

Wedding Planning in Full Force

propertyofalifefromasuitcaseIMG_3881I think I was in a bit of a shock on Friday, mostly because of the impending wedding for daughter number 2. As I stated before, I was very ill-prepared for number 1, since it was a very quick military wedding planned in a short time-4 month period. I had to take out a loan, as a single mother, to pay for the wedding. Her father border lines deadbeat dad, and my current partner made it clear he wouldn’t be able to help.

For years, my younger daughter had made it clear that she would not be getting married-ever.  So, I figured since I was going to host only one wedding, why not make it all worth while. One hundred guests were invited, and an elegant wedding was planned. Three years later, December 2014 to be exact,  I made the very last payment on the loan.

Over the holidays, number 2 announced she was planning to get married,  giving me a heart attack since I simply took her seriously for the past two decades about never wanting to get married. This weekend, she wanted to dress shop, and so it began. We made appointments and spend the entire day saturday in boutiques deciding on which gown. We had a three hour break in the middle of the shopping, so I asked her to take me to the venue in Monterey so I could visualize her dream wedding. I wasn’t set on the location since I hadn’t been to Monterey for over 20 years, and was hoping she would reconsider, thinking the small fishing village wasn’t a choice. . I had no idea the town had undergone a transformation, the the results into a quaint Italian Riviera-esgue type place. I fell in love, giving her my approval. Now if I can get my relatives to travel over two hours to get there on a Friday afternoon in October, I will be set.

{photo I took of the spot she plans to say her I-do’s}