Lately my ex and I have been meeting once a week or so to discuss the division of our SHTUFF. Things I don’t care much about, nor does he. At least I don’t think. But for shits and giggles we are figuring out how best ‘mostly’ for him to move out 100pct. You see when he initially left, he took all the necessities, since it happened so quickly, I don’t think he put much thought into his departure – he just needed to go, he said nearly running out of the door.
Eight or so months later, he contacted me and we met for coffee somewhere near my job and to my surprise I handled myself pretty well. I wasn’t mad or sad. I was actually more happy that I could see him and not feel a thing. Which makes me wonder – how long ago has our connection been over and done with.
The funny thing is after the second meet up, he asked if he could come back. And I really wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. Because I am still a nice person – no matter the a***hole in front of me. So, the nice me told him to give it time. That we needed each to figure out life on our own first. He said he would wait for me forever…and was willing to give me the space I need. But hoped it was sooner than later.
By the third meet, I noticed while talking to him, that he’s eyes are always wandering to past me, clearly distracted by what goes on around rather than the conversation – just like old times. Which is awesome – because it helps me hold my stand – that this relationship is truly over… Now if only I could enlighten him – I think I would be able to sleep at nights.
I was telling a friend of mine that I wasn’t feeling as inspired lately to start my next novel, and he suggested that I write short stories instead…and publish them directly online for your reading pleasure. 🙂
What do you think? Is that a good idea?
Normally I plan my two-week Europe trip for the month of September, because for some reason I get this strange feeling in my gut. And I rather avoid it then to go through it – call me a coward, I don’t care.
This year, there is no trip planned for the month. Not even a quick weekend escape because, I am doing everything in my power to face all of my problems – straight on. No running away, no hiding. Just deal with them all. And of course the worst this year is learning how to live alone.
There are days I love the fact I can come home and just do what I want and then there are days, I simply feel too alone. This doesn’t mean, I want him back, I just haven’t figured out how to fill that void. I don’t think I want another person in my life just yet, or…maybe not even. Considering I spend the past two decades being with someone, I could use the break to figure out who and what I can become without having a person in my life.
it’s interesting how I see life in a whole new light – especially when I get together with friends who have been with their partners for quite some time now, and some complain about their relationships, while others make excuses as to why they stick it out in a not-so-ideal situation. The bottom line is, they are too afraid to be alone.
I was. But now I’m not. He’s called and begged me to take him back, and I just don’t have the courage to tell him…I would rather be alone – maybe even – for the rest of my life.
I feel more peaceful this way…