It’s Not You, It’s Me Topic

A month ago I noticed the strangest look on my husband’s face and instantly I realized he was having an affair. Although he danced around the topic, pretending he was simply in need of space to work through his mid-life, I knew deep down he was leaving me for another woman.

Just another casualty of love…and trust

He left Tuesday, packed up his stuff and said he’ll be back for the rest – so cliche, I know. But I almost feel like there is a manual for the men who are ready to walk out on their marriage  – one they refer to page by page and apply the best technique to minimize ‘dealing’ with drama from the person they are walking out on.

Sure I am angry, devastated, hurt, lost, confused, caught-of-guard, and most of all annoyed at the fact, that he sat their and denied he was leaving me for another woman.

Our story is long, heart-breaking, a struggle for over 30 years, and just when I thought we were going to grow old together, which he verbalized he was looking forward to, planning the best years of our lives together, he packs up his s*** and left…

Stay tuned for Chapter 1

 

 

What I Would Tell My Younger Self, if I could

Easier said then done, this one statement most of us utter over cocktails at some uncomfortable get-together or among a group of close friends on holiday over beer and tapas.

But the fact of the matter is, if I could, I would tell my younger self – to look wayyy into the future, and see how it is I want to end up…and then plan each day accordingly…or just follow your dreams.

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So My Dog Has Anxiety…

I finally admitted to the vet this morning, that I am concerned that my dog has too much anxiety, to the point where even the glass of wine I am having with my dinner at night is not doing the trick. She suggested a calming diffuser, which of course I bought and the second I walked in through the door I plugged it in.

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Now I’m sleepy… and he is still whining.

It’s Been A While

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Months ago I lost the bet I made with myself to write something down every single day for 365 days. And just as I began to jot down all that is happening, happened, or continue to happen, I realized this exercise wasn’t working for me.

At the time I thought it would be some sort of emotional outlet, to write about life, but the more I wrote the more I felt ashamed to express my worries, insecurities, and plain concerns.

Well, since then so much has happened, that I decided one day, while sitting on the beach in Cannes, France,, to list of all of it so I won’t forget, and pieces of those things will not become part of my third novel.  I guess we’ll have to see how that all pans out.  Although those involved in the storyline, have already threatened for me not to utter a single word about any of it.

I assured them, it will be exaggerated, and interchangeable so no one will know who it I am talking about…stay tuned.

{photo of my view at a winery in Napa, June 27, 2015}

Self Help The Old Fashioned Way

tumblr_meuleuvSwd1qzpp8po1_500When I was in my twenties I ran to the bookstore, every time I was at a loss. Whether it be emotional, physological, professional and coping, I turned to the wise words of countless authors who were an expert in directing people’s behaviors to be able to work through their, well mostly, insecurities.

What I learned from those books, that words cannot change anyone, if they aren’t mentally ready for a change and that maturity is what gets you through most any problem one is faced with.

I’ve come to this conclusion because now that I am well in my 40s, I see things differently and cope with them in a much wiser way than I did when I was younger. I have a tolerance for most things and always search for the logical approach to coping or handling a milestone I am faced with.  This, although I read about years back, I didn’t quiet understand how to apply what I learned from the books until I  reached a level in my life where everything made more sense and became  much more clearer.

The moral of this story is that every decade in our lifetime we learn and cope differently with the same issues we are faced with and no matter how many self-help books we read to accelerate the knowledge or find a cure for our ailments, it isn’t going to come unless we mature with age and develop the skills necessary to weather any storm we are faced with in our lives.