…I have nothing to write?
I think maturity has kicked in and I realized the other day, while sitting among the extended family members, dining and reminiscing about the good old days, that I had nothing to say. Meaning, I didn’t want to reflect, I didn’t want to project, and I sure as hell didn’t want to voice any opinion about the past, the future nor the next hour. I think the world is all talked out.
Is this a sign of getting old…yikes!
Been moody since yesterday morning, even snappy perhaps, but all of it in private. So I reached out to ‘a friend’ I’ve known for over two decades to make small talk. Like text-talk. GAWD forbid there is actual conversations anymore. And just for s*** and giggles, I asked him if he thought one of my favorite actors was gay? And he laughed at me. You know the LOL and the HAHAHAHA. So I got quiet and shifted my attention to Candy Crush to combat the edginess.
Minutes later he asks – what’s the different? I tell him, I was just curious since the image of that actor I have decided to use as the protagonist in my next novel and if he were gay, that would make it difficult for me to pen him in a torrid love affair between a man and a woman.
More HAHAHAHA and then the silence. So I left it alone and moved on to something else – like feeling sorry for myself and tearing up and nonsense. Nothing productive. Insert here, I should go to the gym.
At midnight my phone illuminates and against my better judgment I squint to decipher what and who.
It was my friend – sending me a link to THIS
I swear I need new friends.
Four plus years ago, I published my first novel. At the time, I had been sitting at a cafe in Rome, staring at a wonderful stationery store, and suddenly realized I needed to write a story about a woman who discovers her husband is having an affair, confronts him, he admits it, moves out and then she is faced with live without him…. The positive, she moves to Rome.
What the heck was I thinking writing all that back then? Was it because I saw into the future, or was my subconscious wishing something crazy like that would happen to me in real life? Scary to think about it. Although if I think back really hard – my explanation would be that I simply fell in love with Rome figured there would be a great story to tell – that is all.
The interesting thing is that – now – I am sensing every chapter is unfolding – in real life. And if that is the case, then please bring on the ENDING!
After the driving to nowhere in particular, I ended up at a friend’s house. Mostly because she suggested I busy myself by helping her organize her relocation because of work.
My life-long friend’s back story goes like this. She’s been separated from her spouse exactly two-years now. And when I say separated I mean in distance, not so much in their daily communication via phone, text, emails and all else with him mostly manipulating her every thinking, and plans to moving on or forward.
The end of their union is not my place to discuss, but what I am trying to say here is that, I thought I was emotionally in a bad place, until I got to her house and spend a week now, learning that after two years, she is still bitter, angry, jealous (because he’s moved on, but not really) and regrets leaving him? Oh my god seriously! Not a good role model for me right now, or…is it a good thing I am witnessing what not to do?
A month ago I noticed the strangest look on my husband’s face and instantly I realized he was having an affair. Although he danced around the topic, pretending he was simply in need of space to work through his mid-life, I knew deep down he was leaving me for another woman.
Just another casualty of love…and trust
He left Tuesday, packed up his stuff and said he’ll be back for the rest – so cliche, I know. But I almost feel like there is a manual for the men who are ready to walk out on their marriage – one they refer to page by page and apply the best technique to minimize ‘dealing’ with drama from the person they are walking out on.
Sure I am angry, devastated, hurt, lost, confused, caught-of-guard, and most of all annoyed at the fact, that he sat their and denied he was leaving me for another woman.
Our story is long, heart-breaking, a struggle for over 30 years, and just when I thought we were going to grow old together, which he verbalized he was looking forward to, planning the best years of our lives together, he packs up his s*** and left…
Stay tuned for Chapter 1
those who we think are more fortunate then us – because they live in a big house, have the means to travel the globe at a drop of a hat, and surely experience all things celebrity?
Then with that hammer go help build a village in a third-world country instead of destroying universities, my dear American youth and those encouraging such behaviors…
I fell asleep very early, on New Year’s Eve this year, and didn’t get a chance to see the world transition from one year to the next—well I mean in my part of the world that is, others parts had done it hours before. Then yesterday, when I woke up, I felt a little too anxious, and knew that I needed the entire day to myself to organize my thoughts and plans for 2015, the focus changing everything, and then I came across this…
I saw the film Wild last night. I did it for a number of reasons. But for this blog only one of them counts. I wanted to end the year with an inspirational story, something I could take with me into 2015 and draw from it to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. The film jarred me a little, not because it was a great film but because of the story of one women’s attempt at finding herself by walking 1000 miles, mostly to get over her mother’s death. I suppose we all need to do something out of the norm to help us move on. The story got me thinking about what it would take to help me move on. To make the changes I want to make to become a better person. My goal for 2015 is to learn to let go, to be less worried or anxious about things which are out of my control, and focus more on the positives to get me closer to where I want to be in life. And to do this without making myself emotionally sick by keeping it all bottled in as the only means to a solution. That’s my challenge for 2015 and the key to achieving it is dedication and determination. So, here’s to 2015. I am excited and ready.