I was watching a television show last night where a couple who’d been reading a newspaper together in bed, noticed an article about an old flame of the wife. The husband asked her if she ever thought about him, and she quickly said no – lying naturally while the scene panned to a decade earlier when she and he, the old flame, were at a cross-road about their affair. You see, she was engaged at the time to her now husband…
I think maturity has kicked in and I realized the other day, while sitting among the extended family members, dining and reminiscing about the good old days, that I had nothing to say. Meaning, I didn’t want to reflect, I didn’t want to project, and I sure as hell didn’t want to voice any opinion about the past, the future nor the next hour. I think the world is all talked out.
Is this a sign of getting old…yikes!
Today may be just another Monday to most of you, getting ready to go to work, or vacation or maybe just tending to chores and responsibilities. But for me – it’s my birthday. A day I normally spend on vacation somewhere in Europe – or just a day trip to the wine region 50 miles from where I live. Vegas, or Disneyland – it didn’t matter. i spend it somewhere to celebrate getting old.
Funny thing, as a kid, I couldn’t wait to get older – and now all I want to do is stop time. Or get drunk enough to embrace it.
This is the first year, I will be spending it alone…and that scares the F*** out of me. Having to learn to be alone – possibly for the remainder of my life. Funny thing is – a while ago, after a couple’s argument with my soon-to-be-ex, I thought for a minute how great it would be to just be single and do everything on my own terms. And then I glanced over at him – and realized – nope. Life is good just the way it is.
Easier said then done, this one statement most of us utter over cocktails at some uncomfortable get-together or among a group of close friends on holiday over beer and tapas.
But the fact of the matter is, if I could, I would tell my younger self – to look wayyy into the future, and see how it is I want to end up…and then plan each day accordingly…or just follow your dreams.
I fell asleep very early, on New Year’s Eve this year, and didn’t get a chance to see the world transition from one year to the next—well I mean in my part of the world that is, others parts had done it hours before. Then yesterday, when I woke up, I felt a little too anxious, and knew that I needed the entire day to myself to organize my thoughts and plans for 2015, the focus changing everything, and then I came across this…
I saw the film Wild last night. I did it for a number of reasons. But for this blog only one of them counts. I wanted to end the year with an inspirational story, something I could take with me into 2015 and draw from it to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. The film jarred me a little, not because it was a great film but because of the story of one women’s attempt at finding herself by walking 1000 miles, mostly to get over her mother’s death. I suppose we all need to do something out of the norm to help us move on. The story got me thinking about what it would take to help me move on. To make the changes I want to make to become a better person. My goal for 2015 is to learn to let go, to be less worried or anxious about things which are out of my control, and focus more on the positives to get me closer to where I want to be in life. And to do this without making myself emotionally sick by keeping it all bottled in as the only means to a solution. That’s my challenge for 2015 and the key to achieving it is dedication and determination. So, here’s to 2015. I am excited and ready.
I come from a traditional upbringing, in my youth, experiencing nothing but rules, and lectures. Come to think of it, it lasted well into my early twenties, until I left home, feeling the need to explore, craving to learn all that was out there,making my own choices, not once frightened nor timid about taking chances. I have no regrets, even when I look back, which I seldom do – in my opinion, this step only hindering one’s progress… (to be continued)