Be Careful of the Man With Wandering Eyes

Lately my ex and I have been meeting once a week or so to discuss the division of our SHTUFF. Things I don’t care much about, nor does he. At least I don’t think. But for shits and giggles we are figuring out how best ‘mostly’ for him to move out 100pct. You see when he initially left, he took all the necessities, since it happened so quickly, I don’t think he put much thought into his departure – he just needed to go, he said nearly running out of the door.

Eight or so months later, he contacted me and we met for coffee somewhere near my job and to my surprise I handled myself pretty well.  I wasn’t mad or sad. I was actually more happy that I could see him and not feel a thing. Which makes me wonder – how long ago has our connection  been over and done with.

The funny thing is after the second meet up, he asked if he could come back. And I really wanted to laugh, but I didn’t. Because I am still a nice person – no matter the a***hole in front of me. So, the nice me told him to give it time. That we needed each to figure out life on our own first. He said he would wait for me forever…and was willing to give me the space I need. But hoped it was sooner than later.

By the third meet, I noticed while talking to him, that he’s eyes are always wandering to past me, clearly distracted by what goes on around rather than the conversation – just like old times.  Which is awesome – because it helps me hold my stand – that this relationship is truly over… Now if only I could enlighten him – I think I would be able to sleep at nights.


First of Everything…

I’ve been running for a couple of months now…away from home just so I don’t feel the pain associated with my marriage coming to an end.

On Sunday, I drove back to the space, my hubs and I call home, and walked in through the door, holding my breath, or maybe it was that I couldn’t breathe knowing I would have to face it all – alone.

I didn’t unpack. I simply placed my luggage and things down and laid on my side of the bed, and just closed my eyes. I wasn’t ready to be alone in that space – the studio – if you need a visual.

Monday I woke up, returned the car rental, went to my dentist and then to the grocery store, to…to shop for one. Then attempted to make dinner for one and failed miserably, tearing up over slicing string beans – reflecting on how we used to have small talk over me cooking and him just being in the kitchen.

Now, I have to eat alone, watch TV alone, go to bed alone, and wake up alone…the reality of it all sunk in too, too deep…do I run away again or face it, and hope that I can endure…