On Sunday, I drove back to the space, my hubs and I call home, and walked in through the door, holding my breath, or maybe it was that I couldn’t breathe knowing I would have to face it all – alone.
I didn’t unpack. I simply placed my luggage and things down and laid on my side of the bed, and just closed my eyes. I wasn’t ready to be alone in that space – the studio – if you need a visual.
Monday I woke up, returned the car rental, went to my dentist and then to the grocery store, to…to shop for one. Then attempted to make dinner for one and failed miserably, tearing up over slicing string beans – reflecting on how we used to have small talk over me cooking and him just being in the kitchen.
Now, I have to eat alone, watch TV alone, go to bed alone, and wake up alone…the reality of it all sunk in too, too deep…do I run away again or face it, and hope that I can endure…