After The Shock, A Course of Action Sets In

At my age, meaning to say I am not in my 20’s, conversations with myself to remain calm, cool and collected happen nearly every second of the day. And now, it is happening even in between the seconds. I honestly appreciate that I can rationalize everything better than I did in my youthful emotional state – back several decades ago.

The first thing I decided to do – in order to remain calm, cool, collected, was actually get in my car and drive to somewhere I haven’t been before, and establish myself temporarily in an extended stay.  Bizzare you may think. But it actually is helpful with overcoming my anxiety about the whole thing and slowly come to understand how we or I got here:

Let’s back track for a second –  Early May, while I was house and dog sitting for a friend who decided to join the military and needed to go to boot camp, the soon-to-be-ex hinted at the fact, our relationship wasn’t working, or that he wasn’t happy anymore – listing a million reasons of what I’d been doing wrong to cause the rift between us.  At first, I panicked, wondering what all I did wrong to push him away, or have him think this way, and during our many conversations, I took most of the blame. Because that’s the kind of fool I am. I was hoping we could work through it all, and I detailed a course of action for us to follow, perhaps take a week and disappear to a deserted island with him and see if we can fix whatever it was or is

Then, he stopped answering my calls, and text messages, and I went into hysteria, since I was 150 miles away from home – I had no idea what he was up to – although my gut had it right, thinking there had to be someone else. One day, I even drove back to the city with three dogs in tow, to get face-to-face with him, because I felt the type of conversation he was aiming to have – ending the relationship, couldn’t or shouldn’t be done over auto-corrected text messages which seldom made sense.

What sucked was, he stood his ground, blaming me for everything – from lack of communication, to me being in charge of our life too much, to me not making an effort to – not sure what he was saying because none of it made sense, in part because he had trouble explaining and in part because I was in too much shock to accept any of it.

And although he pretended to agree with my points, or concerns I detailed, he was determined to leave because the only question he couldn’t answer or look me in the face, when I asked point-blank was – is there another woman?

So he moved out, and I packed my car, and drove south to nowhere in particular, and picked the first extended stay I noticed off the freeway and checked in – hoping time alone will heal my aching heart and help me grow  – that is the plan.

Advertisements

Do Men Really Need A Reason To Cheat?

image-30-woman-frustrated-with-a-manThe age-old question and one that every woman wonders  around the globe, whether silently or vocally.  Do men really need a reason to cheat?

Although, if you ask the men, the answer is always yes, cheating stems from a cause, an unhappy relationship, a nagging partner and the lack of passion from a lifetime commitment and while the information is relayed to the partner for such behavior, what the women perceives is, no matter what the reasons, they are not good enough.

What I often wonder, is when a woman signs the dotted line to marry, is she also consenting to the fact, her partner will cheat at least once in their relationship? Does she understand that, it comes with the territory, that no matter what, the man will always cheat. It’s part of life and that is how it has always been.  So, I ask again, do men really need a reason to cheat or does it just happen?

I have interviewed a dozen or more men about the topic at various stages in my lifetime and theirs and although some beat around the bush, the end result was, if the opportunity were “perfectly” presented to them, they would cheat and this has nothing to do with loving or not their wives or partners.

So, with this wealth of knowledge that each of us women have about the fact, that men really don’t need a reason to cheat, I want to know, how should women commit themselves to a union? Expecting the worst and hoping for the best? Should they make an agreement, a pact if you will, that if one cheats, the other can too? How should it be so that she doesn’t lose herself from a cheating husband?

I ask for some solid argument or discussion from anyone who can shed some light on this topic?