French Music Helps

I realized on Sunday that I haven’t been listening to music since my road trip to nowhere specific over the past month. So, I grabbed my phone and clicked on Pandora and selected my French music collection. Insert here that my dog has also been high-strung and depressed just as much as I have been. So, the first song came on, an upbeat tune which quickly put me at ease and by song two I noticed my dog was also calming down and finally relaxing enough to fall asleep – which he hasn’t done when I am at home.

Since Sunday the station has been one day and night and I’ve been sleeping just fine.

Could it be – there is a light at the end of the tunnel?

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Don’t Get To Excited, I’ve Been Reminded Yet Again

property of alifefromasuitcase IMG_4201This morning I was all smiles getting on the train for my commute to work. I plugged in my music, escaping to Carli Bruni station on Pandora, my gut telling me not to be so excited or happy.

I got a whole call from daughter one while enroute, so I sent a text telling her I’d call her back when I arrived at work. I did, and she slowly filled me on all that’s been happening since she left Nebraska to come to California for 30 days. My jaw dropped, the details I don’t want to share.

I walked away from my desk, and outside the building grasping for air. As if that wasn’t enough, number two called to tell me she needed to talk to me about the wedding – her mostly having doubts about her guy… (we are meeting for lunch).

What’s happening?

{photo I took last night at seven, a view from my room after a rainy stormy day in San Francisco}

 

 

Paris On My Mind

FullSizeRender-4On Sunday, I took my family to brunch at the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay. It’s funny whenever I discover something spectacular and later decide to introduce it to my family, I regret it a thousand times. They just don’t appreciate the things I do, so what I consider should be a nice day, turns into a stressful one. Eh whatever.

Anyway, when I was sitting at a table for six having brunch with them, some freezing because we were outdoors, while others, hated everything on the menu, I found myself tuning them out, and focusing on my happy place. Paris. I’ve been getting the urge lately, or should I say again. This happens to me every year about this time. Right after the holidays, when all the hustle and bustle and the pressures of family dinner and celebration wind down, and I have the entire year to do with it as I please. Paris is the first thing on my list. I have to go no matter what happens. Whether my husband goes to Mexico with his brother’s family, or my older daughter needs me to visit her in Nebraska, and the younger one gets married, I need to go to Paris, and frankly, I want to do it alone this year…

 

 

So Here We Are…A Recap

IMG_0690I love it when I recap my week. It helps me get a better perspective on all things going on in my life, and how to cope.  This week as usual was a whirlwind.  I was disappointed with my editor’s summary report since it didn’t really match my story and her suggestions contradicting.  My younger daughter hinted that she was getting married, more like she told me. I was a little disappointed to discover that her fiance was going to make a conscious effort of visiting her father to ask for her hand in marriage, even though the man was hardly in the picture, and I have been all her life.  The other blow I got was my current partner, with whom I would be celebrating a milestone anniversary this year, is choosing to go out-of-town with his brother’s family the very week, we said our “I do’s,” instead of taking me to Paris like I had hinted for a year I’d like to do on our anniversary. My oldest is experiencing marital issues, and from what I witnessed while on the road with them, I concur, they may need couple’s therapy. I’ve also been thinking hard about making a drastic move-career and city. I’ve somehow grown out of city life, and now crave a more quieter suburban lifestyle. I think my older daughter’s home in Omaha set the tone for that one. I also discovered the UK Book Fair is nothing like the one in New York, so I would have to rethink my strategy on how to promote book 1, which I’ve released into the world a year ago.

Time to regroup. I have to figure out how to pay for my younger daughter’s wedding. I need to  decide if I want to throw down the money for the New York Book Fair (I think it’s a little too pricey for indie authors), and I have to be an even better listener for my older daughter. The only question I have is, when do I make time for myself?

{photo: A walk on Waikiki beach 2013 after my best friends wedding}

Here We Go…Where Is It Again?

IKnewWhoIWas-SocialProperI reached out to a friend last night via email. I needed to clear the air with her. She and I worked together for four years and in the middle of last year she announced she was moving to Africa with her husband. Apparently in order for him to move up in the company he needed to do two years abroad somewhere.

She had her reservations, expressing to me throughout the year prior to leaving how she didn’t want to go. But she loved her husband and knew she had to.

Anyway, she left, and I was a little sad. You see I liked her as a friend, and although she possessed excellent work ethics, she exhausted me with her anxiety about work.  She was my third daughter, I resolved, each and every day  I listened to her voice, vent, and cry about everything. No really-everything.

Long story short, her husband needed to come back to the states in December, and she figured it would be a good idea to come to the office and work from here. Since she needed a workspace assigned to her, a  request was submitted to IT, and suddenly her coming back from “AFRICA” spread like wildfire throughout the entire office and everyone panicked about Ebola. The decision was she wouldn’t be allowed to return to the office, and the second it was communicated to her, she assumed that  I had something to do with it. Hence, she stopped speaking with me. I knew she was mad, but I had other things to worry about. Like my older daughter moving away from me, and my younger getting ready to send off her fiance-also in the military-away for a year, and me having to explain to her how to cope.  My dog was sick and my mother was experiencing some worrisome health issues. Nevermind how I was feeling.

So, last night I finally got a chance to reach out to her and ask, and she relayed to me that she was upset for sure, thinking I didn’t want her in the office. I apologized, but not sure for what? And I think we made amends. You see in a strange kind of way I miss her. I didn’t realize just how much until we stopped emailing one another after she left. (Smile).

 

How Much Of Yourself Should You Blog?

Screen Shot 2014-08-17 at 9.39.34 AMI’ve been a blogger for a while now. More precisely since 2006. I enjoy it. At first considering the hobby as a great way to journal just about anything. Well, mostly about the fun things in life. Film reviews, fashion, food, art, exercise and everything fantastic anyone is interested in. Then I realized that wasn’t fulfilling enough since the internet is now saturated with bloggers. So, I stared a more private one countless times. This and that, listing my views and feelings just about everything I go through, worrying that if I express too much of my opinion, I’d be labeled. Because of it,  I stopped blogging about my personal feelings and opinions, reserving those thoughts to linger in my mind instead, keeping me up at nights. I stopped blogging this way…until recently. The tail end of this year to be exact, when bits and pieces of my world have disturbed me enough to want to vent – somehow needing opinion, consoling maybe or just gentle discussions about life. Something we all know about and a subject relatable across the globe. This is what I plan to do, hopefully this time around I have the guts to keep going…